Monday, November 3, 2014

Editing Purgatory & More of The Azemeon

People are under the delusion that all writer's should have perfect grammar. Well the truth is that no matter how many times a writer reads his or her own work, there will still be mistakes. Errant letters will skitter across the page, words will be mispelled, vocabulary will be used inappropriately and that is after multiple revisions.

I, however, am even worse than the average writer. I can correct my students' grammar all day, but when it comes to my own writing I miss everything. Subject verb agreement goes out the window, proper use of possessives goes running out the door, and don't even get me started on my own spelling.I will mess up or mix up the simplest words when left to my own devices.

That being said, that is why I hire a slew of editor's to make sure the final project is superb. Why am I telling you this? Beecause I wanted to give more of the first chapter of The Azemeon, but not much of it is edited. So, I've decided to let you read the rough, rough draft. Tell me what you think--but ignore the need for editing.




Chapter 1

Dephon wove his way through the crowded streets, his fear propelling him forward. Out of place in this new time, Dephon wasn’t sure of much, but he was sure of one thing.
He was being followed.
In the sewers of Trepton, the first thing you learned was how to tell when you weren’t alone.  There were no second chances in Dephon’s homeland, but at least there, he knew who his enemies were. Here he had no idea. And that was much worst. He stopped and hid behind a building at the corner of Kezar Drive, peering cautiously down the street in the hopes of catching his stalker unaware. The streets were brimming with so many people that he couldn’t see anything. Or rather he saw too much. A dark-haired man to the left of him looked suspicious, and a masculine-looking woman was staring at him a little too intently for comfort.  Was she evil, or was she just staring because Dephon just looked crazy, peaking at people around the side of buildings?
Dephon tried to clear his head, but everyone was starting to look suspicious. He could have sworn that he saw the girl in the flowery white and pink dress with long, swinging black hair three streets ago.  And there was a man in a blue suit pushing a stroller who looked familiar, too. Dephon wasn’t sure who was following him, but he was smart enough to never doubt his instincts.

Lightning rippled through the gradually darkening sky. Hesitantly he took his eyes off the street and looked up at the clouds.  Droplets of water began to fall from the sky, pounding the concrete.  Pedestrians scattered liked roaches. This was just the distraction Dephon needed. He sprinted down Kezar street; casting furtive glances over his shoulder. He rounded the corner quickly onto the street that he recognized so well from The Exemeus- his mother’s street.
When he reached the corner he saw two figures dashing through the rain. One with long dark-brown hair and the other’s was blonde with tattered ends sticking out of her ponytail. Dephon stood, frozen. He had gotten accustomed to seeing the 3D image of his mother from the book, but now here she was, in the flesh. He tried to shake off his feelings of awe, of shock, but they weren’t going anywhere. His mother was alive and, if it took his last breath, he was going to keep her that way.  
He stood in the rain, long after she had disappeared; simply enjoying that she was alive. It wasn’t until he was drenched that he remembered it wasn’t supposed to rain today. The past was changing.
                                                             ***
            Dephon squatted behind the women’s apparel rack in Macys. He had followed his mom and Virginia to the mall. He was definitely not the best spy on the planet. In fact, if he was honest with himself, he might be the worst. Virginia had spotted him at least twice on their walk over. He’d tried to play it cool, but she’d still looked at him suspiciously.
            Dephon felt a tap on his shoulder. He whirled around. “Jacqueline,” he cried out in surprise. It took all he had not to launch into her, but the puzzled expression on her face made him pause.
“You’re scaring them. Virginia is debating whether or not to call the police.” As Jacqueline spoke, she stared at him with great interest. Finally, she reached out and poked his chest.
“What are you doing and why are you staring at me like that?”
“How do you know my name?”
“What do you mean? Can’t you read my mind?”
“How do you know I read minds?”
            Dephon sighed, exasperated. “We’re going in circles. What happened to your mind reading and future reading skills?” He glanced around quickly, an idea dawning on him. “Is a scalper around?”
            “You seem well versed in magic for someone so young. But if there was a scalper I wouldn’t be able to read anyone’s future—not just yours. So, who are you and why are you skulking around the juniors section of the ladies department?”
            Dephon sighed, “This would be so much easier if you could read my mind, ‘cause you’re not going to believe me.”
            “I can be quite gullible. Try me.”
            “I’m from the future,” Dephon said slowly, trying to gauge her reaction. Jacqueline’s eyes widened, but she remained silent.  Dephon continued steadily, “It was all part of your master plan, that you didn’t tell anyone about. My mom is Hyalee. She was supposed to save the planet, not me, but she failed. So here I am trying to figure out what you,” her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “I mean, future you, wants me to do.”
            Jacqueline nodded, her expression, as impossible as it was, managed to be a mixture of confusion and understanding. “So that’s why I can’t read your future: You don’t have one. Where did you get an Exemeus from and The Dzitar of Duplicity?” She asked, curiously.
            “Well, I….” Dephon’s voice trailed off as his eyes scanned the store. “Where’s my mom?” he cried out in alarm.
“She just walked out the door,” Jacqueline said, gesturing with her chin.
Dephon hurtled through the maze of clothes, ignoring Jacqueline calling after him. He dashed out the door, searching for his mother’s disheveled ponytail. In the parking lot he noticed two lone figures turning the corner. Running at top speed, he hurried to catch up with them. As he rounded the corner he almost ran smack dab into Virginia, who stood with her arm outstretched, a silver canister clasped between her fingers.
There was no time for him to process what was happening. She released a steady stream of spray directly into his eyes. His vision went blurry; and all he could do was scream. He toppled backwards, landing on his butt with a thud. He clawed at his eyes wishing the pain would subside. He didn’t know how long he sat there writhing in agony, before a comforting arm rested on his shoulder. Calmness settled over him as his brain disassociated from his body, and the world was swept away.

6 comments:

  1. Thank you guys. Glad you like it.

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  2. Thanks Latrice, everyone says its better than the last.

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  3. Interesting excerpt from the book. Have to look into reading yours.
    slehan at juno dot com

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